I’m a therapist but fallen into a lull, a wilderness accompanied by a crisis of confidence. I often used to work telling stories about stories about…
Can I tell you a story?
You know sometimes when you’re a bit lost and you don’t know
quite how you’re going to get out of the rut you’ve dug for yourself?
I’ve had that a few times :-)
When I was 25 I went on a voyage to find my roots!
I was born in Tanzania and lived there for 4 years
before coming to live in England.
So I went back there for the first time on my 25th birthday.
And I remember I went to visit the house we used to live in
and something deep inside, a really physical memory in the gut hit me,
a sense of place and my feet lead me up through the rocks and cotton fields
behind the house up to Elephant rock, the place I used to play as a child
and as I stood on this immense granite rock overlooking Lake Victoria
I felt a sense of urgency and a rush of energy that seemed to flow
right through from my feet all the way out the top of my head
and I felt like I was looking out over the landscape of my live,
both the past and the future and it seemed for a moment that I glimpsed
the inevitability of certain patterns playing themselves out in my life, weaving their own story.
The places that I return to, the friends, the lovers I return to, the hobbies interests and games I return to.
In that realisation there was a sense of freedom: as long as you keep doing what you keep doing, you’ll keep getting what you keep getting. And when you change anything, however small or simple in what you do, you’ll change what your getting.
Now sometimes you have to be confident that its enough of a crisis to lull you out of the wilderness and while it can be wild being confident in a crisis, a crisis you got through already can lull you into a sense of confidence. And where does that get you?
What are the places and who are the people you return to? What gives you strength? Do you remember how to play?